I'm depressed, but still wanna show up—how?
When so many of us are struggling, how can we take of one another?
Q:
I don’t want to center myself, given everything going on in the world, but I can’t help but feel depressed – and sometimes a little helpless. I know we’re all going through it. And I really want to keep supporting and loving on my community. But when I can barely get out of bed, I get stuck in knowing how to still show up. Any ideas?
A:
Does the above sound like you? Because it sure as hell sounds like me. In fact, it’s exactly why I’ve been MIA, not sending out a newsletter since the end of 2024: My sense of resiliency is at an all-time low, after a grief-filled holiday season, the midlife crisis of turning forty, and—oh yeah!—my city having been on literal fire.
I, too, feel exhausted, depressed, and a little helpless. But as the horrors persist, it’s our responsibility to do so, too.
But Jesus f*cking Christ, how?
First of all, if this is something you’re struggling with, and you’d like to talk about it, let’s do it:
The point is: You aren’t alone. And I think it’s beautiful that you’re still thinking about others and how to best support your communities in the midst of it. Remember this; internalize it: The fact that you’re operating in a community-minded way, in alignment with your social justice values, is more than most people are doing. Give yourself a bit of a break. Stop being so hard on yourself.
And, indeed, that is my first piece of advice:
Get Some Rest
I know this is counterintuitive. I know that you might believe that in order to be “good” (a “good” white person especially), you’re not allowed to have what others don’t have access to. I don’t believe that.
Don’t get me wrong: I think that if we have an abundance of something (money, time, energy), that we should use it to help other people. We should always be redistributing our resources.
But I also think we can’t redistribute what we don’t have.
You are not a bad person if you rest.
If you’re feeling depressed, pay attention to that. Treat your mental health the same way you would your physical health (if capitalism didn’t teach us to ignore both). Literally, treat yourself like you’re sick. Because you are.
Take a few days off of work to sleep. Feed yourself soup. Hydrate. Lie in bed with a heating pad, a mug of your favorite tea, and a good book. Or do absolutely nothing. But let yourself be sick.
Start with Your Friends
Once you’re feeling a bit more on the up-and-up, start with your most immediate community. Who are the people you’re closest to, and what might they need?
Do you know someone who works too much? Surprise them by sending lunch to their house or office. Parent friends? Offer to babysit one night so they can have an evening to themselves.
Do you know someone who’s struggling financially? Send them some cash, as little or as much as you can. Maybe it’s sending them $5 for their morning coffee; maybe you can afford to pay their rent this month. Maybe you can send over a gift card to a grocery store, or a gas station, or pay for their therapy that week!
Have you read a good book lately, and you know a bookworm? Send them a copy!
What is your best friend currently struggling with? Support them spiritually! I love these tea light-sized spell candles I found on Etsy.
Send someone a handwritten note in the mail. Send a voice note or a video about how much you love them.
You don’t have to do something huge to brighten someone’s day.
Host a Get Together
When everyone feels like shit, it can be nice to be cared for.
Over the course of December and January, I was in a very serious depressive slump. There were whole days that I spent in bed, sobbing uncontrollably. (These are the fun things you don’t see on social media! Keep that in mind when you make assumptions about folks’ lives!)
Two of my friends invited me over for meals: one for breakfast, the other for dinner.
And I can’t even express how cared for I felt in those moments.
Host a small get together – maybe with one other person, maybe with a handful of people. Make a huge pot of soup (Italian penicillin, anyone?). Put on a movie. Have everyone bring over art they’re working on. Or if you can manage it, supply a craft for everyone to do.
Community is everything in times like these. How can we take care of one another in ways big and small? How can make each other’s lives a little easier, a little more joyful?
Help Your Community
When I talk to folks about community-wide action, I find that folks get really stuck. They feel like their only option is to volunteer huge amounts of time or to redistribute large amounts of money.
And this is awesome if this is something you can do!
But if it’s not, for whatever reason, there are ways to support the folks in your community in impactful ways that might feel like less of a challenge for you – which is especially important if you’re trying to build up your energy, post (or mid) depression.
Can you pick up menstrual products on your next few grocery trips, and then donate them to a local domestic violence shelter? Do you have any shelf-stable foods in your home that you’re not using, that you can donate to a community fridge or pantry? Can you make a trip to the bank to get cash, so that you can distribute it to unhoused folks you come across?
If these kinds of ways of helping feel good and manageable to you, you can take it to the next level. Look up your local Food Not Bombs chapter, or another mutual aid group in your area, and see how you can help!
I don’t want us to get stuck in the “easy.” There’s so much work that needs to be done.
But you’re allowed to start – or restart – somewhere. And coming out of a deep depression, we often need small ways to start feeling human again.
So until next time, take care of yourselves – and each other. (Yes, I just signed off with Jerry Springer’s go-to sign-off.)
Love,
Melissa