Astrologically, it's time to reflect on your love life. What Qs should you ask?
Venus retrograde isn’t just about exes coming back.
Q:
I’m an astrology newbie, but I’m seeing a lot of queers posting about Venus in retrograde. I have a general understanding of Mercury retrograde, but this one feels a little confusing to me. What does this mean for us, astrologically? And is there something I’m supposed to be doing (or not doing) right now? Help!
A:
As a babe whose chart is ruled by Venus – and who feels a deep affinity for the goddess Aphrodite – I’m excited to talk about this. As a relationship coach who is also deeply, deeply in a place in my personal life where I’m reflecting on my love life, and all else that Venus rules, this feels exactly up my alley.
So let’s unpack it.
What the f*ck is Venus retrograde? And what are we supposed to be thinking about right now?
Let’s get the basics out of the way first: All of the planets have a retrograde cycle. It’s simply the time when, from our vantage point on Earth, the planet in question appears to moving backward in its orbit. Astrologically, when a planet is retrograde, it’s a time when we might experience delays, stagnancy, or even chaos around the issues over which that planet rules.
Mercury retrograde is a great example. Mercury rules communication and technology, which is why folks often joke that of course their Internet is down or Zoom needs to update exactly when they have an important meeting.
The planets’ rulings are generally pretty obvious if you have a basic understanding of Greco-Roman mythology. Venus – yes, like the Roman goddess of love, also known as Aphrodite to the Greeks – rules love, beauty, sensuality, and also money.
So these are the areas that Venus retrograde brings into focus.
While none of the retrogrades are to be feared (okay, but that most recent Mars retrograde was objectively horrible), Venus, in my opinion, is the least problematic, the most chill. It feels a lot more like just a time to reflect (and maybe to hold off on getting bangs).
Here are some of the reflection questions this Venus retrograde wants you to sit with:
Which patterns is it time to let go of?
This is a great question to be asking all of the time (I might be biased), but Venus retrograde specifically wants you to sit with yourself and reflect on how you show up in your romantic and sexual connections that might feel out of your control.
We all show up in relationships based on how we’ve experienced relationships in the past, whether it’s the result of relational trauma or just a stuck point. But these patterns are less fixed than we might like to believe.
What’s working for you? And what isn’t? What patterns is it time to let go off? And which new habits should you start to incorporate?
This is an especially fantastic question to be asking now, as the eclipses happening this month (and for the next year-and-a-half or so) are on the Virgo/Pisces axis, asking you to consider your routines and dreams.
I think sometimes we get stuck in believing that our patterns are fixed – that they’re “who we are,” to an extent. Indeed, I’ve noticed this thinking coming up in conversations with folks around their relationships, including people I date: “Oh, that’s just my trauma.”
The insight that we have trauma responses that might impact other people is a great starting point, but it isn’t the end of the work. It’s also our responsibility to think through how we can change those patterns.
If your ex comes back around, what’s the game plan?
Hilariously (or depressingly, I guess, depending on how you think about it), both Mercury and Venus will be retrograde together for a chunk of time: March 14th through April 7th (yes, right now). And both of these retrogrades can be times when we expect old flames to resurface.
So the astrologically energy for “Hey, stranger” texts is high right now.
Think about the ex you’re most likely to hear from. More importantly, think about why. Chances are, there’s some unfinished business or a lack of closure in that connection.
Remember that.
Because if they do show up, it’s for that purpose exactly: to close a cosmic loop.
What do you need to receive from a conversation with them? And don’t be too quick to assume it’s time to blow them off and give them a taste of their own medicine. As tempting as that is (trust me, I get it), that desire for revenge often comes from an unhealed place.
Do you need an apology? Do you owe an apology? Accountability? An emotional processing conversation where you can each look back on what happened between you and offer new insight into the situation? A good cry? Hell, one more f*ck?
What does your soul need to let that connection go?
Remember: retrogrades are about moving backward to let go of the sludge that’s keeping you from being able to move forward.
What was happening in your life back in 2017?
Retrogrades happen on a cycle, wherein planets will revisit signs. The last time that Venus was retrograde in Aries and Pisces was in 2017, so the issues that were surfacing for you at that time around love, beauty, and money might be coming back up for you now.
This actually blew my mind when I first realized it.
I’m in a place in my life right now where I’m reconsidering, reconceptualizing, reevaluating non-monogamy and how I want that to look in my life; 2017 is when I started practicing polyamory.
I’m also in a place where I’m trying to recommit to my self-employment and how marketing plays a role in that work, while also considering the financial stability that, perhaps, steady employment could offer. And 2017 is when I became self-employed.
On a lesser note, the last time I had a bob was in 2017; I started growing it out in 2018. And here I am, back to a bob.
Are there connections you can make between now and then? Are there themes that are coming back up for you?
And what have you learned in the meantime that allows you to reevaluate these themes from a different vantage point?
Growth is an incredibly powerful tool, in that it allows us to look at the same general ideas repeatedly with new perspective. And I feel like that’s exactly what Venus retrograde (more so, perhaps, than other retrogrades) wants you to do.
And that, I’d argue, is the power of astrology.
Love,
Melissa