Melissa A. Fabello, PhD is a sex and relationships educator who uses her backgrounds in educational theory, developmental psychology, holistic life coaching, and sexuality research to help you be in right relationship to yourself and others. In her one-on-one coaching work, she helps you clarify your values, own your truth, and build new relational skills.
Relationship coaching is a powerful process. Together, we create a comfortable container for emotional processing around the obstacles that prevent you from living your most authentic life. Then we unpack your personal and relational goals – and strategize for how to take baby steps toward achieving them. I offer deep, affirmative supportive for what is coming up for you, and I act as an accountability partner, helping you make movement toward new practices for more fulfillment.
I call this work “politicized” because of how I approach it. I believe that journeying toward being in right relationship to ourselves and to others – living our values to the best of our ability – is meaningful political work.
Seeing our (familial, romantic, platonic, sexual, professional, community) connections as sites to practice our political values is a radical perspective. Politicizing our relationships invites us to explore our complex social locations; our socialized thoughts, behaviors, and norms; and the long-lasting impacts of our trauma. That way, we can unlearn what isn’t serving us – and replace it with values-aligned action.
Furthermore, I find that folks whose lives are deeply rooted in social justice need to work with providers who understand their theory and praxis. It’s hard to talk about non-monogamy with someone who idealizes monogamy; to unpack avoidant attachment with someone who pathologizes it; to explore relationship anarchy with someone who values the nuclear family. That’s where I come in: I get it.
I specialize in looking at relationships from a social justice lens. This includes expertise in non-monogamy, polyamory, and relationship anarchy; intimate partner violence; breakups and heartache; (avoidant) attachment; queer, bisexual, and femme identity; sexuality in eating disorder recovery; and more. More than that, I understand how important it is to center feminist, abolitionist, anti-oppression politics in our understanding of ourselves and others.
I believe that collective liberation is an inside-out process – that the ripple effects of our self-development work and relational healing is community care. Ultimately, looking at where oppression lives in us – and working actively to uproot that – leads to the abolition of the very systems that take away the opportunity of authenticity from us in the first place.
Melissa has truly changed my life. She has expanded my thinking, pushed my growth edges, and helped me articulate my values. It is an honor to work with her in a coaching capacity. She shows up with authenticity and compassion and creates a safe and validating container for healing and growth. I leave feeling held in my complexity – and challenged in the best way possible. —Avi
Working with Melissa has been illuminating. She holds space to both process complex emotions and learn how to be more intentional about living a values-aligned life. Importantly, Melissa approaches her coaching as a co-learner, making it clear she's on this journey with you. The result is a weekly opportunity not only for critical self-development, but for meaningful camaraderie as well. —Megan
Melissa creates a safe space to think through challenging ideas without judgement, but not without accountability and critical thought. The way she fronts and lives out her decolonial and anti-oppressive values consistently inspires me. I've enjoyed talking to Melissa about astrology, attachment theory, relationships, non-monogamy, queer identity, and of course, Taylor Swift. Melissa is always such a joy to work with. She's absolutely worth it. —Sareeta
Sort of, but not. It’s absolutely a modality for looking more deeply into the blocks that keep you engaged in unhelpful patterns and to help you discover your most authentic path forward. And hopefully it feels nourishing and generative. But in coaching, we focus on where you are now and where you’d like to go, rather than healing the trauma and pain of the past. Coaching is not therapeutic, and I am not a mental health professional. But coaching may be a better fit for your goals.
My base rate is $149 (USD) per session, which is on the high end of average for coaching services. But I also offer a sliding scale, which you can opt for when you send your inquiry.
I wish all of the help that we need could be covered by the government! But unfortunately, because this is not a health-based service, insurance can’t be applied to payments. That said, some workplaces are flexible with how they determine what counts as wellness – and if you have a wellness stipend through your employer, this could count!
Our goals are determined by you – because you are the expert of your own experience – and through an emergent process, where we work with what comes up. It isn’t a predetermined program, but rather, a collaborative effort toward aligning your life with your values. Do you want to start queer dating for the first time and need support? We’ll do that. Do you need help determining an appropriate relationship agreement in non-monogamy? Perfect. Let’s figure it out together.
Currently, I do not offer couples or group sessions. However, I’m happy to seeing multiple people in a couple or polycule individually, or for others to sit in our sessions occasionally.
We’ll meet weekly or biweekly, at a regularly scheduled time, for 50 minutes. The length of time for meeting your goals will differ. But I suggest setting aside at least ten sessions to work together so that we have the space to really dig in, both practically and emotionally. I do not offer one-off or short-term appointments for new clients.
I don’t send out emails often – but when I do, it’s because there’s something I need to tell you: I have a new online course up; I’m starting a support group; I have new client openings. Don’t miss out.
I don’t send out emails often – but when I do, it’s because there’s something I need to tell you: I have a new online course up; I’m starting a support group; I have new client openings. Don’t miss out.
